How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
