I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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