from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
