At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
