you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
