I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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