i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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