one might say we're banned from that church
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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