i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
