Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
