What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
