he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
