Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
