i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
