wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
