He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
