Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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