I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
ugly people sure do ruin things
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I sprained my soul last night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
