Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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