I just made out with a guy for $7.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
