Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
