no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
