You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
