y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize