i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
