also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
