If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize