i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
