This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
