If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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