I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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