Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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