I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize