if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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