hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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