Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
