I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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