I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
