So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
