she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
