I'm really into asian looking animals
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
