Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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