I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
