he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
