I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
