Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
