Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
