non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
