So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
