the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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