Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
