they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
