I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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