im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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