So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize