Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
