You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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