he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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