I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize