i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
