You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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