So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
